So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
