I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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