New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
