I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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