the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
