its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
