Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
