where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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