'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
