Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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