i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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