69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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