we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Semen is not good for contacts.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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