We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
