I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
