cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
