I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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