its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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