anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
