i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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