another moral hangover. fuck.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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