Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
