Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
