Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
