so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
