I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
