have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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