Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
