I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
