I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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