The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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