Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
