Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
