Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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