Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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