if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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