my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I looked at my own cervix.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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