I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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