My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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