Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she peed on how many people?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
