I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
