my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
