____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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