Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
actually, I'm a sock model
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
