I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
