Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
