Three words: puerto rican gang bang
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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