tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just google imaged poop.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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