I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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