Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When are your genitals available?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
