I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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