She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
