She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
