In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
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WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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