If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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