I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
