I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
