If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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