my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
