dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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