i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
