I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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