I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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