My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
