i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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