tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
