I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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