Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
