I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
