you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
