He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
