OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
