Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
